Why I Shouldn't Have Held Onto Moments.

I am a people's person. And no matter what, I always tried to look for the best in the people. I still do. Is it bad to trust people so much to the extent that it suffocates your inner self?

Yes, I learnt it the hard way. It had been a month and I was travelling again after my Feb vacation during my stint in France. It was sunny and just the perfect weather to travel in Europe. I had also left my apartment and dropped off my luggage at a friend's place to save some rent money. I'd planned a month long trip! After having travelled dual, it was too difficult for me to accept this fact that I'd be travelling alone now. I packed my suitcases and emptied my beautiful apartment. Reluctantly, I booked the tickets. Reluctantly I booked the hostels. Reluctantly I left the place and was off on this unknown journey.

Was I nervous? Yes. Was I scared? Yes. Was I thinking to go back in the middle of the trip? Cent percent YES!

Did I fight my fears? Also, yes. I have also been very scared of being alone. Although I enjoy my company but I need just that one person who will hold my hand and say, "You'll be fine."

I missed that.

Whenever I visited a place, I called my parents and my boyfriend. I wanted to share that moment with them. That's the closest I found myself to using phone on a trip. When I have that one person with me, I even forget I possess a phone.

You remember how reluctantly I'd booked my tickets to places? Well, that came right back at me, as I'd forgotten to book hostels in 2 cities and had booked connecting trains at crazy hours. So, here I was now, alone in Amsterdam, on an Easter weekend, without a place to spend 3 nights at. All the hostels, hotels were booked. I tried to keep my luggage in the locker at the Amsterdam central station, which to my disappointment was full.

So here I was with my bags on my body, taking a stroll in this charming city. Every time I asked somebody to click a picture of me, my eyes were focused towards my bags kept a little far from myself so as not to ruin the picture. Don't get me wrong, I love people and trust them, sometimes more than I should, but this city is the home of robberies and I didn't want to take any chances.

I enjoyed my time in the city during the day and came to the station to spend the nights. It was one adventure I wouldn't like reliving.

Anyway, I was alone and that was already keeping me low. And why was that you ask? Because I wasn't letting go of people who I had had a good time with. I wanted to keep them with me even when their time in my life was over, which is not something I'm proud of.

When you keep held onto things, they start hurting you. Either emotionally or mentally. Do you know, while playing tug-of-war if you hold onto the rope for long, it only causes your hands to bleed? Well, in reality it's only your heart that bleeds.

I'm no life-guru but I have had my fair share of experiences with people of different kinds and it has only taught me to keep my boundaries so high that even if they want to enter into your space, they'd have to work so hard, which they won't if they don't truly care.

During those 23 days of travelling in Europe "alone", I realized how miserable it felt being alone all the time, but it also made me realize that, it is how it is and I need to be able to enjoy my own company first, before letting somebody else in.